I can hardly wait

I think I will quite enjoy myself if I ever have the pleasure of becoming a grandmother. (If they're good and old enough, first, of course)

Because Bitty Girl is compiling a list, and I, her dutiful yet evidently a FAILURE of a mother, am acting as her scribe. Stay tuned for future additions to the list.

We call it "My Kids," and it goes something like this:

MY kids..... (heavy emphasis on the my)

• are going to be able to stay up late. As late as they want.
• are going to eat all the candy they want. For breakfast.
• will be able to color with crayons and markers in the living room
• can have all the crayons they want in their room. Even if they color on their furniture.
• will not have to use lotion after they take a bath.
• are going to be allowed to bring toys and stuffed animals outside, even if they're inside toys.

We also play another version called "When I Grow Up, I Will Let My Kids"

When I grow up, I will let my kids.....

• drink chocolate milk all day
• drink carrot milk. This involves dipping your carrot into your milk and licking the milk off
• get chips every time they go out to eat at places that sell chips
• drive the car. (I usually just smile and say, "Lucky kids!" but for this one, I said - "Really? Before they're 16?" To which Future Mother of The Year replied, "I'll put in a special car seat so they can reach the pedals."

Now to file these away so I can carry on the tradition of snorting with laughter when my daughter complains about her children.

Of course you are!

Bitty Girl is suddenly interested in letter sounds, mostly thanks to the Sound of the Week in preschool. This week was "C," so they were talking about cupcakes and construction and cats.

At dinner tonight she was making the hard "c" sound, saying "cat, cut, cookie, cracker..."

I said, "And what are you drinking from?" (Thinking she'd say CUP, of course.)

Bitty Girl: "A STRAW!"

And she was. But at least she didn't tell me that straw doesn't start with "c."

The future of Dancing with the Stars

Impromptu dance party, requested by the dancing girl..




She's out on the deck, dancing to "I Feel the Earth Move" by Carole King. A family favorite of Daddy's when he was little, passed down to another generation!

I had to film through the kitchen window or she never would have danced that long - notice the look I get at the end. But I think the half-lidded eyes is just where I cut off the video.

Warning to all future Baryshnikovs

Today while Bitty Girl was admiring herself in the mirror or washing her hands or ripping out the ponytail I had so carefully put in, I came in to find her with spit drooling down her chin.

"No spitting," I said. "That's gross."

Bitty: "But I'm a ballerina, Mommy!"

Mommy (thinking I might be able to use this ballerina thing to my advantage):
"Oh, no. Ballerinas are graceful and polite. Ballerinas don't spit."

Bitty: "Well, this one does."

Somehow Seaside Survived

Danger Girl, out for a spin on the Promenade at Seaside.
Many unsuspecting vacationers thought they were just out for a stroll on a cloudy August morning.

(cue foreboding music...)

Little did they know they barely escaped being mowed down by a pink Princess Huffy with rainbow streamers. At least the training wheels rattle so you can hear her coming!

Did you catch the absolute GLEE in her eyes as she sped up (doing her "magic trick") and whizzed past us? You might have missed it because of her extreme speed. Yes, we really had to run to catch up.

We are in trouble. Very soon. Capital T.

And on the Danger flip side... The Boy, perfecting his tricks. Guaranteed to make his mother's, grandmother's, and great-grandmother's heart skip a beat.

Let's get something straight.

Straight out of Bitty Girl's mouth tonight:

SCENE: Throwing a ball in the backyard with Daddy. Bitty Girl throws ball to Daddy. Daddy throws it back, but the ball rolls under the pine tree. Daddy retrieves the ball.

Bitty Girl: Daddy, come sit down over here by me. We need to have a discussion. (motions for him to come sit on the deck with her) You need to know that on our team, we don't throw the ball under the tree. Got it?

He got it.

We are thankful

that she came fully assembled. Bossy, but assembled.

In a desperate attempt at organization, we have been busy with some RTA furniture. I'm actually fairly impressed with these ClosetMaid cubes so far. The main reason I'm impressed is probably because I was able to put them together myself, which is a miracle in itself. Pat is usually the furniture man around here, but this week it's Mama and the Drama King and Queen.

Brrrrrrrr....

Bitty Girl has always called her cousin Grady instead of Brady. The Boy had a preschool friend named Grady, and she just can't get past it.

We've practiced, she's heard it a million times, and she CAN pronounce the "br" sound (see video), but now I think it's become a joke to her. She usually calls him BrrrrrGRADY!

He just celebrated his first birthday, so let's hope she gets it right before he cares.

Snap! go the apron strings

Tonight I’m snuggling w/The Boy before bed, and it’s hot, so I’m wearing a tank top. His arm must have brushed against my underarm, because suddenly, he says, “What was that?”

I inspected, and it’s not that bad – I think I just didn’t shave this morning. I explain that it’s where I need to shave under my arms and he looks completely astonished.
“You have hair under there?”
I am slightly baffled as to why this is shocking to him, do the “we are mammals” talk, and We talked about Daddy’s whiskers and how he’ll have them on his face someday.

I told him how if I didn’t shave, it would look like Daddy’s armpits.
I wish I had a picture of his face—completely repulsed and slightly heartbroken. It’s not like he has trouble finding fault w/me, but I think it goes against the Mommy smooth skin for cuddling thing.

His exact words, “That is totally disgusting.”

Then when I went back in there a little later, he said, “Mom, next time you come in my bed, could you wear a shirt? That was gross.”

I complain all the time about how he’s too attached to me, so maybe I should throw away my razor.

But I was a little sad to see him think I was totally disgusting.

Wait until holding his hand or kissing him goodbye falls in that same category.

Multi-Faceted Man and his secret sidekick

It's a new superhero...

He can be serious and scary... especially when he's graduated to doing tight figure-8s on the backyard court.

(notice the Steelers outfit, Auntie Em and Uncle Brian?)

post-Sounders soccer game

And then his lighter side..

posing for the photographers

entertaining his adoring public with jokes at the Willows

Not to be outdone...

Super Secret Diva Girl - no photos please...

Otherwise they all look like this.

Now that's old

While in the car today, we passed a cemetery. Out the window, The Boy saw an elderly man walking across the grass with flowers in his hand. We discussed how he was probably going to put flowers on someone's grave, maybe his wife's or friend's.

The Boy says, "Or maybe his mom. Or his grandma, or his great-grandma, or his great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great...

At this point I get sort of irritated and say, "That's enough greats, I get it."

And he says, "Just a minute, I'm almost back to Jesus."

I lost count, but he was probably fairly close. It was a lot of greats. And he's funny.

Genes and jellybeans

Sometimes two worlds collide. In Bitty Girl's case, it's a collision of heredity.

Tonight in the kitchen:
"Mommy, I went pee on the potty three times at school! Can I have jellybeans?"

(background: I finally caved and started giving her 2 jellybeans every time she went on the potty. I know, I know... don't tell the dentist.
I was originally against it, but guess who came home from daycare with the last of her pull-ups because she no longer needs them?? Sometimes you have to do whatever works!)

Forgetting that I'm talking to an almost-3 yr old and not Mr. Kindergarten Math Wizard, I said, "Well, if you went three times, then how many jelly beans would that be?"

And she said, "SIX!"

After we picked up our lower jaws that had flopped open in disbelief, I gave her the jellybeans.

Coincidence? Or maybe just a case of a serious sweet tooth on Mom's side combined with the human calculator gene (and a love of jellybeans) on Dad's side caused her brain to work overtime. Or else she's some sort of a genius.

But now when we say "You do the math," I think we may have more than one volunteer.

Only a little sister

The things you learn from having an older brother.
She was playing behind the couch, telling me she was a wizard going to fight with her magic sword, and she holds up the long blue stretchy tube. It's the kind you swing around in a circle and it makes a whistling noise.

Then she decided she needed her hands free, and had to holster the sword.

Behold Bitty Girl and her magic sword. Either that or item #347 in my future blackmail collection.

Speaking of elephants

Name that book…

The Boy was trying to describe a book that one of his classmates lost from the school library:

You know that story Around The World, where the kid has the yellow hat? And he walks with the elephants and the balloon gets stuck in the tree and he falls in that purple stuff? And there’s swirly colored stuff on the cover and it comes up like a volcano, but just a little bit up, and the guy is on top of it with the yellow hat.

I couldn’t place it.

He even told me where to go look in the bookcase.
I knew it immediately. Do you know it?

Elephants


the balloon



and the purple stuff






Got it yet?






And finally, the swirly colored volcano with the yellow-hat guy standing on top.








Oh, the things I could do if I had that memory.

At least it wasn't an f-bomb

The whispers started on Monday morning.
There was talk of it on the bus.
It got lost in the bustle of dinner and my arrival home on Monday evening.

But today, after school, out it came.

"Mom, do you know what an ass-halt is?"

It's a good thing I was prepared from Monday.
Monday one of his classmates came in from recess and tattled to another kid's mom that her son said asshole on the playground. I was just waiting for it to (no pun intended - eew) trickle down.

Monday night there was some whispering about someone saying it on the bus, but we shushed it in front of Bitty Girl and it didn't come up again. She already says poopy butt and butt head - I couldn't tolerate more from a 2 1/2 yr old.

So, you are asking yourself, how did I react to this question? He only gave me about 2 seconds to respond before he told me it was a butt hole.

My response?
Dude, if you're going to say it, say it right.

I told him that it was ass-HOLE, and that ass was another word for your bum, so it was really talking about a butt hole. And if you called someone an asshole that it meant you thought they were really not nice or a jerk. And it wasn't a nice word and that he would get in trouble wherever he used it. Especially at school or around his sister. So I didn't want to hear it.

It was inevitable.
My dad got his mouth washed out with soap when he was a kid for saying, "I can see your asshole" when his sister bent down to pick something up.

And the much-retold story from my mom's childhood was my grandma saying, "Must you say asshole? Can't you just say ASS?"

The Very Bossy Patient

Tonight. Bedtime. Bitty Girl's room, right as Daddy is about to read her a story.

Daddy: What books should we read?
Bitty: You choose. I too tired. I SICK. I can't choose a book. You choose.
Daddy: How about this one? (holds up a book)
Bitty: No. Choose George.
Daddy: (shakes head and sighs, with the all-knowing smile, and the eyes directed at me that say "This comes from YOUR side of the family!")

At least Daddy knows his place already.

**She is sick, stayed home w/a cough today. But nothing keeps the Boss down, not a nose full of snot or a chest-rattling cough.

Move over Bitty Girl...

Your cousin is pulling ahead of you in the audition line for Funniest 2 yr old.

Part II of Guest Comedian Cousin...


According to my sister, her 2 1/2 year old has an equal passion for the Madagascar theme song. She watches the 3-minute music video they found on the On Demand cable channel, to quote my sister, "I don't know....15 times in a row each time."

She says "Move it, move it" and dances and shakes her booty.


Even better... Take that, Sleeping Judy!
Guest Comedian Cousin calls Sleeping Beauty "Shakin' Booty" and she doesn't know she's being funny. Not yet, anyway.


Her latest favorite game? PAY IT! An imaginary shopping game where she is the "worker girl" and you are the customer. I would fly to the East Coast just to play Pay It and meet Shakin' Booty...


We miss you, Guest Comedian Cousin!
And your mom and brother too!

Art and grammar and DRAMA lessons

Heard today in the House O'Drama:

The Boy: My favorite color is red now instead of green. I want my favorite color to be a primary color, not a secondary color.

Bitty Girl: (upon returning to the room): I BACK!!!

and later, after she had been in bed for 30+ minutes, chatting away and I went in to settle her down...
Mom: Time for sleep now.
BG: I need some water. (I got her a drink of water)
(with a smile on her face)
My tummy feel like...I feel like I barf.
(she meant 'I feel like I'm going to barf' except she forgot she was smiling and looked fine otherwise)

I watched her for a minute, but didn't believe a word of her stalling tactic. She's been sleeping since then, no sign of barfing. (knock on wood)

If she barfs tonight, I will come back and edit this post with a full bad-Mommy apology. But I think it's all an act. A well-polished act, starring parents who should know better but are charmed by her big brown eyes and big smile.

Them's fightin' words

The latest snort-causing antics around here... While it wouldn't be appropriate at preschool, it's hilarious to watch...

Bitty Girl (hands on hips, sassiest look on face): You want a piece of me?
The Boy: No, I want HALF. Chop, chop! (makes karate chop motion to chop her in half)

I laugh every time. Must get it on video for the full effect of the sweet, high little voice trying to sound so tough.

Still snickering

This really isn't funny. Not if you're trying to rein in some 2 yr old "testing the limits" behavior and if you're a tired Daddy giving a slippery girl a bath.

And it's not helpful for Mommy to laugh about it. But sometimes it just slips out.

When I arrived home after work today, Bitty Girl was upstairs getting a bath. I went in to say hello, she smiled and announced that she was getting clean. The funny part is what she said next. To her Daddy, who had just, dealt with less-than-stellar dinner behavior from her. (Read: throwing noodles, spitting, and other things that warrant losing your chance for a cookie for dessert). So she was harboring a little animosity.

She looks him right in the eye, smiles sweetly, and says, "You HIDEOUS!"

I'll admit it. I laughed. I couldn't help it, and The Boy was on my lap so I couldn't exit quickly.
So she said it again.... "You HIDEOUS Daddy!"

If you're going to be rude and sassy, at least use a good adjective!